So I did a beautiful, artistic triple toe loop on the ice yesterday, and stuck the landing. Right on my knee. The only really bad thing about living in the South? No, not tornadoes. Those you can hide from.
It's the fact that it gets cold, but it hardly ever snows. All we get is wet little pellets that can charitably be called sneet. And our poor little truck fleet...er, fleet-lette, I guess you could call it, pours sand and salt. Which melts it just enough to let you drive on it, which melts it a little bit more, which freezes solid overnight.
Or we just cut out the middleman and get ice rained down on us. Having worked in retail for lo these many years, I've never understood people's reactions to weather. In short form, the Oklahoma guide:
A heat wave with temps over 100? Shop til you drop and make sure you close up your car. After letting it bake for a few hours, be surprised when your shorts-and-tank clad self comes into contact with the leather seats.
A small, warm, gentle rain? Do not go out under any circumstances.
Thunderstorms? Go about your daily activities.
Tornado watch? See thunderstorms.
Tornado warning? Grab your camcorder and stand in the street to get footage. Your neighbors will be out there, too, so find a good vantage point. Important: sell your footage, don't just upload it to the local station's website.
A blizzard that is more ice than snow? Wait for two hours, until the officials declare a state of emergency. Then decide you have a fatal case of cabin fever and head immediately for the mall. Ignore the mall employees who will glare at you because they want to go home before dark. When the cabin fever has passed and you go home, forget that you live in a predominately warm weather state, and curse all the people on the road who don't know how to drive in ice.
So the sleet started shortly after I got to work yesterday morning, and my boss told me to finish up only the important stuff- the billing, because, you know, we like money- and go home as soon as possible.
Have I told you how much I love that man?
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6 comments:
hang on... didn't you pack up and move to the great white north? or did I miss something?
bummer about the knee... I hope you feel better soon!
No, the move never happened. I feel like we got baited-and-switched, because the company hubs works for told him he was a great candidate and get ready, you're going to move! Now, they don't think he's managing correctly because he helps his line workers instead of standing there supervising. He's been put back in training, and has actually been called on the carpet for WORKING TOO HARD. Some people.
Imagine that... working TOO hard gets you in trouble. What a crock. You'd think he'd be inspiring to others to do better or something--not getting blasted over it! Crazy.
Hell is living where it storms like hell and no one knows how to drive in it but me.
We have sane winter drivers for the most part, but then we drive in the winter every year for five months. A lot of people don't go out much in the winter, eitehr, which I think is pretty sad.
I hope you are feeling better, my friend. And quit trying to impersonate Dorothy Hammill.
Written, we get people who still want to go 20 mph over the limit no matter what, or people who think "taking it easy" means 15 mph on the freeway.
Missie, I look more like Tonya Harding right now. My hair is damaged and I really need it cut!
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