Monday, November 17, 2008

Forget Ricola, I Want An Android Body

You know, when I was a kid being sick was almost fun. You got to stay home from school. You got to laze around in your jammies in the middle of the day, and sometimes Mom would wheel in the small TV we kept in the den and you could watch cartoons. Decadence! You got all the 'easy' foods you wanted, including the push-pops you just had to have because they helped your poor aching throat. Yeah, that was why. And you got 7-UP in the special glass with the bendy straw.

Except for the, you know, feeling bad thing, the only difficulty was choking down Triaminic. That stuff was brewed in Satan's own barrel. I refused to give it to my kids, preferring the tang of Robitussin.

Face it. It was vacation with maid service and tissues.

But now? I still get sick. Still get coughs and watery eyes and headaches and sore throats and snot. Can I lounge and suck on push-pops and drink 7-UP? In between caring for the other people in the house who have the same crap and spending as much time as I can working because for some reason I like money, sure.

I'm just feeling sorry for myself. The one day I finally could sleep on the couch and have the remote to myself, no marathons! My hubby gets the NCIS marathon, my daughter gets the America's Next Top Model marathon, my son even got the Cosby Show marathon. Me? NO MARATHONS. That has to be one of the signs of the apocolypse, right there. Cable always has a marathon. They'll show Grasses Of The World Growing In Real Time for 18 hours, but I can't even find more than two episodes of Law and Order? Yeesh.

It doesn't help that I look like recycled hell. I bark like a seal, and when I'm in the store people back away from me like they want to cry, "Unclean! Unclean!" I've used so much soap and sanitizer, my hands look like they've been in an industrial accident. And I find at my age, in spite of all those lovely Kegel exercises, coughing has an unfortunate side effect. I'm just waiting for the day I completely lose my pride and actually buy Depends instead of using panty liners.

Next time there's a good marathon, I'm calling in sick whether I am or not. And I'm breaking out the bendy straw, too.


Kimber An said...

Oh, I feel your pain.

I was so excited last night because I had a sore throat. Yippee! I get a day off! But, alas, this morning, my sore throat was gone and the kitchen looked like the bomb hit it.

I'm tellin' ya, it's just not fair.

StarvingWriteNow said...

But are you feeling any better? Inquiring minds want to know! And, I think you and I need to do a cross-blog snark for all those new Harlequin Christmas covers--they're just too bad not to share!

Robyn said...

Everyone's over it but me, and I was up until the wee hours doing dishes why??? Ugh.

Bring it on, Beth. You pick the covers!

Missie said...

I want to snark, too! I miss the snark!

I hope you feel better soon, my friend.

writtenwyrdd said...

YOu made me laugh with the coughing bit. Sure hope you're feeling better soon!

StarvingWriteNow said...

OOH! A tri-county snark! What an idea!