Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Look What Came In My Mailbox

I am an absolute addict when it comes to signing up for free stuff. It could be a slugfarm complete with all the tunnels and little slug outbuildings- if it was free, I'd sign up for it. I always get in trouble, though, when I get the next month's slug addition for the low price of $14.99 because I forgot to cancel before the deadline.

It happened again. No pests this time, but I signed up for two free guilty pleasure books, did not cancel on time, and just got my first month's subscription.

Harlequin Presents.

I love these awful things. So overwrought and dramatic and filled with alpha caveman heroes that are just this side of jerk. Check out this month's titles:

Bedded For The Italian's Pleasure
The Sheikh's Convenient Virgin
From Waif To His Wife
Taken By Her Greek Boss
The Spaniard's Pregnancy Proposal
The Italian Billionaire's Pregnant Bride (part of a series! The Rich, The Ruthless, and the Really Handsome. I'm not making that up.)

Several of these feature a maid or secretary or other practically penniless woman who becomes the object of desire for an impossibly rich European or Middle Eastern prince who ruthlessly hunts her. She'll inevitably get pregnant, then decide to run away because he:
A. Doesn't love her
B. Doesn't want to get married
C. Thinks she's a golddigger

Which would totally happen. I would absolutely choose to have and raise my baby in abject poverty when every single thing my child could ever need is a DNA test away. Of course, he'll ruthlessly track her down, ruthlessly order their marriage, and then turn into The Most Bestest Husband and Daddy Ever.

Why do I love these things? I guess there's a certain escapist quality; when I've just spent an hour juggling bills and called around trying to find time and money for hubs and I to maybe, just maybe, spend a weekend away together and make quality time for the teens etc., etc., the thought of a rich, ruthless, really handsome Italian billionaire in hot pursuit is very satisfying. I once had a Greek boss that got handsy, but he was old, short, fat, and had hair coming out his ears. This Greek is "...dangerously good-looking, with a strong, harshly sensual face and black, black hair to match the long black lashes and brooding eyes."

On second thought, I may just keep the subscription.


StarvingWriteNow said...

Hee, hee, hee... You've still got it, baby!

Down the road you and I may have to have an inter-blog dialogue about sheikhs, virgins and pregnant greek secretaries!

Missie said...

If the titles are this bad, what are the stories like? Or do I want to know?

The Sheikh's Convenient Virgin--Um, if the sheikh is Muslim, which I am assuming here, doesn't his bride HAVE TO be a virgin? Or there would be, oh I don't know, some stone throwing here?

Bedded for the Italian's Pleasure-- Where is Gloria Steinem when you need her? Why is it only HIS pleasure that matters, hmmm?

From Waif to Wife--shoot me now. Seriously. If I was ever referred to as a waif, I would want you to shoot me.

Taken By Her Greek Boss--that's just sad. Could no one at Harelquin HQ come up with a better title than that? And taken where? Do we even want to know? I am not so sure...

The Spaniard's Pregnancy Proposal--so did he propose she get pregnant, or did he propose after she got pregnant, or did he propose she do something about that pregnancy already? I am so confused...

The Italian Billionaire's Pregnant Bride--which is a step up from her previous title of The Italian Billionaire's KnockedUp Shackup Honey.

I think I need some Ibuprofen now. These made my head hurt.

Robyn said...

They are actually better than the titles imply! I'm beginning to think the mighty HQ does the titles on purpose for the shock factor.

Bernita said...

The titles are dreadful.
But the stories may be great.

Robyn said...

Exactly, Bernita.

StarvingWriteNow said...

The Italian Billionaires Knocked Up Shackup Honey


December/Stacia said...

I love these stories, too! The only ones I get irritated by are the ones where the girl falls in love with a "simple" guy who of course turns out to be a Prince--and when she finds out she's pissed. Because, yeah, if I fell head-over-heels in love with a guy and it turned he was not only everything I ever wanted in a man but rich & powerful too, I'd be pissed.

Robyn said...

Because, yeah, if I fell head-over-heels in love with a guy and it turned he was not only everything I ever wanted in a man but rich & powerful too, I'd be pissed.

HEE! Oh, yeah, me too.

Missie said...

December, I know! I hate that! I cannot tell you how many of the men I dated ended up being Princes or quadrillionaires. It go so bad that after a while, I just said, "Forget it! Let me marry this very poor but good looking man right here! I will show them all and live in poverty my whole life! Take that!"

Revenge is sweet.